why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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