Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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