is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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