He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
