I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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