She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
