This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Im part way to drunk.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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