im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
