Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
