Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
