Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
