Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
