dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
