Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
It's Friday. Sex?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
