I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
