Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
