If i come over, it means nothing
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
