Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
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