Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize