I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
