she woke up with a sticky ear
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
