my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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