I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
