He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
In America we eat man semen.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Success! We fucked roommates!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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