It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
