Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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