oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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