i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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