I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i think i have two assholes
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
