Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
