Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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