I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
