my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
