please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
