We need to rekindle our bromance
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
How does one acquire holy water?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
