Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
