Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
