Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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