so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
