She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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