Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
