we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
