can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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