I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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