bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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