im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
