His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
