The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
