Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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