I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
