the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I pour the whiskey from now on
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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