i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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