I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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