Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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