Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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