I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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