no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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