i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Too much gin, very little bucket
She's the barista slut.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
