I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
