Your dad touched me again.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
