careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
