Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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