I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
