hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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