I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
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