Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
